Funny Stories
A member of the Caste of Scribes and his free companion, celebrating their 30th year of companionship, were revisiting the places they had frequented in their youth. Walking through the secluded countryside, they passed a holding with a tall tabuk fence running along the path.
The lady said, "Oh, great scribe of my heart, let us do the same thing we did here so many years ago."
The man stopped walking.
Seizing the woman, he threw her against the fence, stripped her in the space of an Ehn, and immediately made violent love to her passionately, like a marsh shark going after a Vosk carp.
Later, back on the road, the fellow said, "My sweet, you sure never moved like that thirty years ago -- or any time since that I can remember!"
His companion replied: "Thirty years ago that damned fence hadn't been electrified by the Caste of Builders."
THE TAVERN KEEPER
A Warrior walks into a tavern one night. He approaches the bar and asks for a paga.
"Certainly, fellow," says the man behind the counter. "That'll be one tarsk bit."
"Only one tarsk bit? For a paga?" exclaims the fellow in scarlet.
The other man just nods and smiles.
Suspecting this may be his lucky day, the Warrior glances at the menu, and asks, "Might I request the thickest bosk steak you serve, with appropriate side dishes?"
"Certainly, Warrior," replies the man behind the bar, "but such a feast will cost far more than a mere paga."
"How much, then?" inquires the Warrior.
"TWO tarsk bits," answers the barman.
"TWO TARSK BITS?" exclaims the Warrior. "I would like to make the acquaintance of the tavern owner. Where is the fellow?"
The other man shrugs and answers, "He is upstairs with my Free Companion."
The Warrior is puzzled. "What is he doing to your Free Companion?"
The man behind the bar smiles and replies, "The same thing that I am doing to his business."
SOMETHING WEIRD
Two warriors meet in a paga tavern. After much is drunk, one asks the other: "Wanna see something weird?"
"Sure, " says the man he asked.
The first fellow reaches into his pouch and pulls out a little man, about a foot tall, and sets him on the table.
"Wow!" says the other. "Weird!"
"Just wait," says the first man. He reaches back into his pouch and pulls out a tiny table, oddly shaped, and a seat. He sets it down in front of the little man on the table. The tiny man bows, and sits in the little seat, then starts to do something to the tiny table and music emits from the small device.
"A musical table, and a small musician! Amazing!" cries the other fellow.
"This is what on Earth is called a "Pee-ann-oh."
"Ah," nods the second man, impressed. "And a tiny man. How did you acquire these wondrous things?"
"Well," said the first warrior, "I entered the Sardar a few seasons back, and the Priest Kings taught me a magic phrase which they could always hear. If I said the wondrous phrase, they would grant me whatever I wished."
"Excellent!" said the second man, "What is this phrase?"
"You simply say: Al-Sardar-dula, Hula Hula, Priest Kings, give me:_____ and then whatever you wish for."
"I shall try it!" said the second man.
"Suit yourself," said the first.
So the second man stands up and says: "Al-Sardar-dula, Hula Hula, Priest Kings give me a hundred beautiful kajiras!"
There is a bright flash and a puff of smoke, and the second man is suddenly swathed in a pile of silk. "Hey!" he cries, "What happened? These are ta-teeras! I asked for kajiras!"
The other man shrugs and says: "The Priest Kings hear with their noses. What, you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
What a Kajira would prefer to be saying
KAJIRA: ~sullenly kneeling, not really wanting to serve, but preferring to sit and chat~ please may this girl serve?
MASTER: Paga girl!
KAJIRA: damn..~sighs and rolls her eyes~....yeah ok...~getting up and walking into the servery~..it's always bloody cold in here, can't someone turn up the heat? ~finding a bowl of dubious cleanliness right at eye level for a change, giving it a quick spit and polish...that'll do~
MASTER: ~Eyeing the girl's grace and form, the way she makes My chaq grow with her beauty and care~
KAJIRA: ~chucking the bowl on the counter, barely missing a stray urt munching on the cheese that no tart remembered to put away last night..turning for the coldest place in the Galaxy...and that's including a Kataii Master's furs~....
MASTER: ~Smiling and grinning at the girl~
KAJIRA: ~pulling open the door and moving in behind the door hidden from view...sneaking a smoke out of her cleavage...having a few puffs..OHHHHH...THAT'S SOOOOOO GOOOOOODDDDD..kicking a bota off the racks with her foot~
MASTER:.~hearing My girl and grinning...damn I have the best kajira on all of Gor~
KAJIRA: ~looking around for somewhere to throw the smoke butt...Hmmm...uncorking the bota and throwing the butt inside..leaving the coolroom or the equivalent of winter on Mars..swishing the bota around..trying to break up the damn smoke butt~
MASTER: ~watching My girl approach~
KAJIRA: ~throwing the bowl under one arm, and the bota under another..rubbing her legs together as she moves....Hell....prickly shins..I really gotta shave..looking to the gate..YUM...who is that guy with the new AV?...answering ICQ messages, PMing with her sisters, and the Ubars of two other camps~
MASTER: ~smiling at My girl's obvious devotion and care~
KAJIRA: ~tearing a girl's eyes away from that AV...damn..backscroll...where was I?..oh hell..ICQ wayyyy behind..oh what the hell..~...Master, this girl is stuck..she is just reloading..
MASTER: ~Ahhhh...My poor girl~
KAJIRA:..Ok, that bought me some time...~kneeling at Your boots, throwing the bowl on the ground...biting the cork off and sloshing it into the bowl...rubbing in the bits that spill....OH HELL..the smoke butt came out..Moaning really loudly...breasts heaving...averting Your eyes, and quickly flicking the butt under Your furs~ Picking up the bowl and taking a hefty swig....damn...pouring some more paga into the bowl..taking another swig....damn...prouging smoe more gapa...looking up at the six moons of Gor and thinking how beautiful it is tonight.~Hiccup~...
MASTER: ~Watching My girl perform a perfect she sleen~
KAJIRA:..Hope He doesn't want Me up off the ground..counting to make sure the paga is safe...1 - 2 - 6 - 15 - 7..oh hell...I'm alive aren't I?..~breathing paga fumes hoping she's not too close to the fires, or she'll ignite..trying to focus on the four spinning rims in front of her..hoping she can hit the real one...slobbering her lips on it~ Master, here's Your paga...Bottom's up!
MASTER:..~Taking the carefully prepared drink that My devoted little one has so thoughtfully brought Me~..Well done girl..You have pleased Your Master..
KAJIRA:...~passes out~
MASTER:..My poor girl is so overworked she must be exhausted..~picking her up and carrying her to the furs to rest~